Saying Goodbye

I didn’t get a chane to say goodbye to my mom before she died.

That fact will always bother me.

It would have been excruciating to find tiny, insignificant words to communicate the expansive love, adoration, gratitude and permanent love I had/have for her. (Especially from a 9 year old girl with minimal vocabulary)

In fact, most of the significant deaths that have happened in my family did not provide an opportunity to say goodbye. When I heard that the beloved family member had died, I prayed that God would show them how much I truly loved them. I have faith that He did.

Saying Goodbye 20 Minutes Late

There was one beloved cousin who died 20 minutes before I arrived to say goodbye to her. Twenty-minutes! We were circling the street, trying to find parking! I told myself that God didn’t want that for me. Perhaps He was saving me from further trauma. Knowing God had kept me away from her final breath was intentional and protective, I believe. Even still, I arrived to my cousin’s bedside after she took her last breath and her heart stopped. I knelt beside her, held her hand and the only words that came out of my mouth were the Lord’s Prayer with my tears. And then came the words of love, gratitude and adoration. I choose to believe that she heard me.

Most recently, my precious and wise friend died. She had a very short, dramatic illness that took her life when she was too young to die. When I first heard that there was a chance she was sick, I sobbed. I didn’t feel optimistic for her healing. The tears came easily each day as the reality set in that I would have to say goodbye to her. I tried my best to be a blessing to her when she was fighting the illness while also stepping aside to let her family have time with her. I prayed that God would give us a miracle. I needed her. I realized how much I depended on her for support, advice and prayer.

As she got closer to death, our conversations changed. They were no longer light-hearted talk of drama or politics, but medicine and doctors. The one thing that brought me comfort (yeah, MY comfort) was the repetition of the words she said, “God has been so good to me.” I couldn’t agree at that time and place, but I now know she was already looking into eternity. She spent most of her time talking about Jesus and exclaiming that she would soon be meeting Jesus. I didn’t share her excitement since it meant I’d be losing her, but it brings me immense comfort now. Her faith was so strong, it was contagious.

Saying Goodbye and Thank You

And then, when it was truly awkward, and she had just finished telling me about what awaits in heaven,  I began saying goodbye. I knew I could not miss the chance to tell her how she improved my life, my marriage, my faithwalk and my parenting journey. I thanked her for all the ways she had blessed me, and she cried. I hope it was a good cry, but it also lifted my heart to say all the things I wanted to say to her. I had worried that like usual, I may not get the chance to say goodbye.

Later, as I reflect on this sacred time with my friend, I wondered why saying goodbye was so heavy and important. I mean, they’re just words!

Goodbye has morphed from God Be With Ye

I learned that goodbye is actually a contraction of “God be with ye” and the first time it was written was in 1573, by English writer, Gabriel Harvey. (thetabernaclechoir.org/articles/goodbye-is-short-for-god-be-with-ye.html) https://www.thetabernaclechoir.org/articles/god-be-with-you-till-we-meet-again.html?lang=eng

Knowing this shed a little light on the significance of this word. If you think about saying goodbye to someone travelling overseas, for example, there was a high likelihood that you would never see them again, so of course you would want to wish that God accompanies them.

And, we say good morning, good day and good night, so it morphed from God be with ye to Goodbye.

Why is Saying Goodbye So Important?

Here’s what I have learned about the importance of saying goodbye from a blog from WillowBrook Cemetery.

(willowbrookcemetery.com/blogs/blog-entries/1/Our-Blogs/128/The-Importance-Of-Saying-Goodbye-To-Your-Loved-Ones.html ) I have paraphrased a bit.

1. It helps us accept and acknowledge the reality of the situation. It is one way to mark the end of a chapter.
2. It’s a chance to tell someone how we feel about them when time is precious.
3. It’s a chance to relive some shared memories.
4. It’s hard not to have final words with someone who’s dying, trust me.
5. It reminds the person who’s dying that the love transcends time and distance.
6. Saying goodbye provides some level of closure and a sense of resolution.

When I dug a little deeper into the word, Goodbye, I found that we have many words for goodbye including: bye, farewell (travel well), see you later, ciao, so long, etc. But interestingly, there are two other forms of goodbye that had God in them, namely, ADIOS (vaya con dios is Spanish for Go with God) and ADIEU (ad is to, dieu- deus is French/Latin for God, so adieu is French for to God.

Why is Saying Goodbye a Blessing?

Saying goodbye to someone you love is a pure blessing because you get the chance to say the three most important things at the end of someone’s life: I’m sorry/I forgive you, Thank you, and I love you. It acknowledges that your loved one is dying and that their earthly time is ending soon. I felt blessed to let my dear friend know that she is leaving me in better shape than how she found me. She made the world a better place by loving and caring for all those around me, too.

And, through my tears, I asked my dear friend to tell my Mom that I miss her, too. Afterall, I know they’ll be in the same glorious place together.