When someone you care about dies, you must do a very hard job.

This job is grief.

What is Grief?

Grief is a feeling of sadness when someone dies. Most people don’t think it’s a job, but it is. Your parents can’t do this job for you, it’s your job. Everyone does the job of grief differently. Grief is like a black box that is given to you when someone dies. The box is invisible, but real, just like love is real but you can’t hold it in your hand. This black box of grief is filled with sadness and memories. Good and bad memories are mixed together in this box. Each day you open the box and think about the person who died and feel sad and even cry.

What’s inside this box?

Inside this box are the memories, experiences, and feelings you have shared with the person who died. It is a box that you shared and now that your person has died, it’s harder to look inside this box and feel anything but sadness.

Boxes are different, depending on your relationship

If your relationship with the person who died was a long-lasting relationship, the box may be bigger and heavier. If the relationship you had with the person who died was a short friendship, the box may be smaller and lighter as it contained fewer memories and feelings. All the boxes are different.

What can you do with this box?

The best thing you can do with your box of grief is to open it and share it with someone who cares about you. You can show them the sadness that’s inside and the memories inside it, as well. The more you share your box of grief with others, the lighter it becomes. But it will never go away. It will always have sadness and memories inside of it. One day, you will open your box of grief and will only see memories, because the sadness will be buried underneath it. It takes a long time for that to happen, though.

Can you ignore the box?

No. At least not forever. Some people need help opening the box and sharing what’s inside. You don’t get to avoid the job of grief.

How do you open the black box of grief?

You can open the box like by approaching a person who cares about you and say this: “I’m feeling sad that someone I care about has died. Can I tell you about them? I want to tell you how much I miss them (sadness) and tell you about some good memories I have of them.”

Who is the best person to share your box of grief with?

God, our Father, the LORD. He invites us to share our box with him. He’s never too busy to hear the words of your heart.  All you have to do is pray, and He’ll come. It says so in the Bible . . .

 

Cast all your cares upon him, for he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

Sorting through this box of memories, experiences and feelings IS the job of grief. It helps our broken hearts when we can share our feelings with someone who we know cares about us. When I wrote Jar of Tears, it was a hard job, but sharing the feelings I had for my sweet mom, in a story to share with others, was hard work, but helpful. It was intense work, filled with long hours, discussions with others, talking about my mom, my favourite things about her and how hard it’s been to live a life without her. But as I opened God’s love letter, the Bible, I saw that He was there all along, waiting for me to open my box and sort through it with His help.

And in time, this big black box of grief has become a cherished gift.