Grief is universal. We will all grieve at some point in our lives. But, we all grieve in different styles and in different timeframes. What comforts one person in grief may not comfort another person in grief. This is what makes comforting a grieving loved one tricky. One size does not fit all.

There are at least 16 types of grief that have been observed and documented. Many websites document several types. I’ve compiled a list gathered from a few helpful websites.

While it may seem ridiculous to fit a grief style into a category, understanding why your grief is different from another’s grief may be helpful.

Normal Grief

In normal grief, one grieves in a straightforward way. They learn their loved one has died and they mourn for an amount of time, although the grief never really leaves them. You’ll miss the person as long as you are alive.

Anticipatory Grief

In anticipatory grief, the person knows their loved one will soon die and as they imagine their life without their loved one, they grieve. This happens if the loved one is sick without hope of recovery such as advanced stage cancer or Alzheimer’s disease.  In one sense, anticipatory grief provides time for the griever to have a proper goodbye and say all the things that need to be said in order to have peace when the loved one does die. Goodbyes, apologies, and forgiveness are truly important to someone in grief.

Complicated Grief

In complicated grief, whether it be circumstances that are complicated, or complicated relationships, this type of grief does not flow easily or in a straightforward manner.  Sometimes this follows a suicide or overdose death, and other times it follows the death of someone who had a difficult relationship with the griever. (estranged parent/child/spouse)

Chronic Grief

In chronic grief, the pain is intense (as most grief is) and does not subside. Sometimes the griever experiencing chronic grief may need strategies and support of a professional to help process their grief.

Delayed Grief

In delayed grief, a griever may have been so busy organizing funerals and arrangements, that they have not had the chance to consider their new reality without their loved one. Many times, it’s not until after the business of death that the hard work of grief begins. That’s when grievers need more support.

Distorted Grief

When grief is distorted, it’s intense or extreme. In fact, in distorted grief, self-destructive behaviour may be common.

Cumulative Grief

Another word for this one is Bereavement Overload. When a person must grieve multiple losses simultaneously, grief becomes unbearable.

Exaggerated Grief

Disruptive and possible self-destructive behaviour can be observed in exaggerated grief. Sometimes it results in a psychiatric disorder and requires professional help.

Secondary Loss/Grief

After a death, many aspects of a person’s life may change, such as loss of home, loss of income, loss of status, etc. The list of things that can change (and not for the better, either) is endless. Most people experience secondary losses when they grieve.

Masked Grief

This becomes a physical symptom that impairs normal functioning. This is common with people who attempt to suppress their grief. Pretending you’re not grieving and putting on an act of being okay only works temporarily, if at all.

Disenfranchised Grief

When your loss is not validated or recognized by others, you may experience disenfranchised grief. This may relate to the type of relationship you had with the deceased. Sometimes people grieving pets experience disenfranchised grief as some people don’t recognize the grief as legitimate.

Traumatic Grief

When someone is deep in grief and there’s added trauma and horrifying unexpected loss that happens. Terrorism and war come to mind as it’s traumatic and unexpected. As world renown grief specialist David Kessler writes, “not all grief is traumatic, but all trauma is grief.”

Collective Grief

This is an interesting phenomenon. You may see this after the death of a celebrity who was well-loved. Who can forget the outpouring of grief and resulting global flower shortage when Princess Diana died? Even though we didn’t know her personally, many grieved her death. This may also refer to a community who grieves after an accident or tragedy.

Inhibited Grief

This is the kind of grief that someone cannot move through. For various reasons, the griever may not grieve, or may not grieve fully.

Abbreviated Grief

In some cases, after a death, instead of grieving the loss of that person, the griever quickly ‘replaces’ that person and moves on with their lives.

Absent Grief

This is when the person shows no signs of grieving after the loss of someone. They may be in shock or denial about the death.

We will all lose someone we love in our lives. When we don’t make time to grieve, or don’t have support while we grieve, it complicates grief.

So what do we do?

Grieve, cry, remember, talk, journal our thoughts, and ask for help. There is no singular recipe for grief because everyone’s circumstances are unique.

Community and support are critical. Grief support groups are supportive environments to share grief, and grief challenges. Others who have not grieved the same loss can’t empathize, so finding others who grieve (like Spouse Bereavement groups or Parent Bereavement groups) can be helpful.

It’s comforting to know that you’re not alone.

Here are some online grief resources that you may find helpful:

1. Grief.com (David Kessler)
2. The Dinner Party.org
3. Option B (optionb.org)
4. The Center for Loss and Life Transition (centerforloss.com)
5. Modernloss.com
6. BetterUp (search for “grief”)
7. What’s Your Grief.com

 

References:

1. Cleveland Clinic. “Grief” my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief Reviewed February 22, 2023
2. Gillette, Hope. “9 Different Types of Grief.” https://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-grief. Published December 19, 2022
3. Moberly, Nikki. “12 types of grief you may not know about.” https://www.betterup.com/blog/types-of-grief. Published January 28, 2022
4. Williams, Litsa. “7 Types of Grief You Should Know Right Now.” whatsyourgrief.com https://whatsyourgrief.com/types-of-grief-2/ Published May 8, 2020