When my mom died, I had to move. This meant moving to a new neighbourhood and school and saying goodbye to everything familiar, including my friends.

Adjusting to so many unwelcome changes felt overwhelming. Every day I struggled not to cry in front of my new classmates. I failed most of my classroom work and felt stupid. No one else in my class had lost a parent. I could sense their stares and feel the sting of rejection to befriend me. Who wants to befriend the weird new kid whose mother died?

Early on in my new school, my new teacher called me aside and asked me how my mom had died. You’d think I’d be upset that she asked me, but no. I felt relieved for a chance to talk about my mom. My grief was a heavy burden to carry around alone. Thankfully, she asked me when my classmates were focused on other things.

It was the only time a non-family member approached the topic with me. I was nine years old and I still remember that day.

However, she did not ask any follow-up questions and I didn’t volunteer anymore to the conversation. Perhaps she followed my lead with the conversation, I mean, her job was to teach, not be my therapist. But we live in a grief-illiterate world, and teachers are not immune to this.

As a teacher myself, I never had a student who was grieving. I have frequently thought about what I would do to help a grieving child in my classroom. It’s hard to concentrate while you’re grieving.

My ideas
Here’s what I would do, based on my personal and teaching experience:
1. I would read a book about grief to the class. Perhaps “Addy’s Cup of Sugar”, by Jon Muth. Or, maybe, “Tear Soup” by Pat Schwiebert and Chuch DeKlyen. Both books describe the universality of death and mourning.
2. I’d ask the grieving student if they’d like to stay in at recess occasionally to talk about the person they’re missing while they help me or draw a picture.
3. I’d ask the grieving child about Mother’s Day/Father’s Day and whether they’d like to make two gifts, one for a stepparent and one to keep for their deceased parent.
4. I’d ask around to see if any other grieving children at the school would like to gather to talk or read stories about grief.
5. I’d encourage the child to develop a creative outlet for their grief. It could take the form of poetry, journal writing, or art. I would ask the child if they have something in mind in case they already have an idea. I would supply the materials or even take dictation if they don’t feel up to writing but want to get their thoughts on paper. We could ask the specialist teachers if they have ideas, as well.

In these ways, I hope that school and my classroom would become a supportive environment for a grieving child. A grieving child who is supported and encouraged to grieve may still be able to learn despite their losses.